Sacred Marriage: A Book Review

by Jennie Smith
Secondary Principal

As a young girl, I dreamed of being married.  I planned my wedding multiple times over, read through bridal magazines, and imagined the life my husband and I would one day have.  I never dreamed that marriage would be the biggest challenge I ever faced. 

My husband and I celebrated the big 15 this past March and we still have so much to learn about a successful marriage.   I thought we had it all figured out, but this past year we hit some big bumps in the road as we dealt with life changes, deaths in our families, and growing children.  So, as I was looking for intriguing reading material for my summer vacation, I came upon the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.  It was the subtitle that really caught my attention:  "What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?"

It's an interesting premise, isn't it?  Most people look to their marriage for happiness.  But is that the ultimate goal of marriage?  If we were to answer truthfully, we would admit that our spouses don't make us happy all the time.  Some even go as far as divorcing their spouse simply because they are no longer happy.  My perspective on marriage made an about face as a result of reading Sacred Marriage - it is one I wished I would have read 15 years ago.  Here are some of the most eye-opening ideas I have taken from this book:

A Godly Marriage is Not Dependent on Romance
Romance is a relatively new premise for marriage.  Romantic love as the basis for marriage became the prevalent idea when poets like Wordsworth, Coleridge, Byron, and Keats argued that one should marry for love.  But when you look at the great marriages of the Bible, most married because of commitment and then love followed.  "Romantic love has no elasticity to it," Gary Thomas proclaims.  "It can never be stretched; it simply shatters.  Mature love, the kind demanded of a good marriage, must stretch, as the sinful human condition is such that all of us bear conflicting emotions."
This doesn't mean that romance has no place in a godly marriage; it is simply not the foundation of a godly marriage.


Marriage Contributes to Our Sanctification
I never knew how sinful I truly was until I got married.  It was shocking!  There was a person in my space who came face to face with my sin on a daily basis and reflected it back at me.  The author says it best:  "What marriage has done for me is hold up a mirror to my sin.  If forces me to face myself honestly..."  This spotlight on our own sin can motivate us to grow in grace.  The author encourages his readers to not enter into marriage to be fulfilled, or emotionally satisfied, or romantically connected, but to become more like Jesus. 

Marriage is a Constant Practice of Forgiveness
A single friend recently asked my husband and I what the key to a successful marriage is.  While my husband had his own idea, I asserted that the only way to have a successful marriage is to be willing to forgive.  We are married to a sinful being who will hurt us and will sin against us - that is a given.  We then have the opportunity to learn to forgive.  I didn't realize the impact at the time, but as part of our wedding vows, Brent and I said these words:  "I will forgive you as Christ has forgiven me."  Those words come to my mind all the time -  I promised and I have to follow through on that vow.

Marriage Requires Perseverance
This idea is nothing new, but one of my favorite passages from the book threw a new light on this.  "One of the most poetic lines in Scripture, one that I wish every husband and wife would display in a prominent place in their home, is found in verse 5 of 2 Thessalonians 3: 'May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.'"  If I rely on my own ability to love my spouse, or depend on my own ability to persevere, I will fail.   Instead, I should pray that I be directed into God's love for my spouse and Christ's perseverance.  It is only with His strength that my marriage will find success.

All Aspects of Marriage Point Us to Our Great Savior
In our marriage, we are reminded of our sin and we go to our Savior for forgiveness.
In our marriage, we are sinned against and follow the example of the Savior in forgiveness.
In our marriage, we face difficulties that cause us to go to our knees and seek our Savior's help.
In our marriage, we become more aware of God's presence as he works miracles in our families.
In our marriages, we learn truths about God, we learn the true meaning of love, we learn what it means to be a servant.  Our marriages can be the catalyst to a deeper relationship with God.

I highly recommend this book - whether you are engaged, newly married, or married for 60 years.  It has changed the way I see my marriage.  Instead of looking for opportunities to be happy in my relationship with my husband, I am looking for opportunities to become more like my Savior - to become holy, set apart for a purpose.  When I do that, I don't experience happiness - it is true joy that pervades my being.

Let's have a conversation about this.  In the comments below, would you answer my friend's question?  What is the key to a successful marriage?

School Begins: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

by Dick Buckingham
Administrator

Summer is almost over and school’s beginning is just around the corner.  It is this time of year that students begin to look forward to school beginning.  More and more students that I speak to these days can’t wait to get going at school with their friends, teachers and learning.  It is not so much that they are tired of their summer vacation, but they have had ample time to recharge their batteries and they are eager to continue on the quest for knowledge.  This is an exciting time of year when everyone, including parents, is gearing up for a new school year.  But a successful school year start does not just happen.  The best starts to the school year are ones where we carefully plan and prepare our children.  Let me share a few ideas.

Correct summer habits.  During the summer time, children often stay up late, sleep in and generally keep whatever schedule they want.  A wise parent is one who begins to bring back a schedule for his or her children a week or two prior to the beginning of the school year.  Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made, but aren’t able to correct several months of a lack of schedule overnight.  I know it is difficult to communicate to children that it is time to start going to bed at a reasonable hour and getting up earlier to get ready to arrive at school timely, but you will save yourself and your child much difficulty in the first few weeks of school if you prepare them before hand.  Make it fun!  Plan some early morning activities that they can look forward to!

Out with the old.  While we are talking about less than helpful habits, let’s not overlook the tendency our children have to sit in front of the television or video game for long periods of time during the summer.  This is not something that can continue if they are to be successful in school this year.  Help them begin to trim back on their TV and game time and choose to do other things that will help them to stimulate their minds.

Activate their bodies. While children are generally busy and active during the summer, it is helpful to get them moving a little more, getting their bodies awake and ready for a more active routine.  Try to schedule some exercise each day.  In fact, you could combine this one with the first suggestion and plan to go a couple of mornings a week to a neighborhood park when they can play and exercise to get their brains going and fresh.  It will be much cooler then as well.

Feed their brains.  Let’s face it; we all let nutrition go out the window a little during the summer time.  Who doesn’t enjoy the dish of ice cream before bed or the bag of popcorn while watching a movie on TV?  But we also know that what we feed our bodies is what fuels our bodies and our minds.  Start getting your child back in the habit of making good food choices and tone up their eating habits.  The side benefit is that you can get back on the wagon again yourself!

Stimulate their thinking.  I know we really are not supposed to take a break from thinking about things over the summer, but let’s all admit that we do kind of let our thinking and intellectual habits slide as well.  If your child hasn’t been reading all summer, make sure they read a book or two prior to the school year beginning.  Get a book yourself and sit down and read at the same time.  Replace some of the TV and game time with this good and helpful practice.  Nothing can stimulate the mind like a good book.

Get their number.  Try to find ways to get them to brush up on their math skills.  For the younger ones, have them count forwards and backwards, add and subtract.  For those a little older, review the multiplication tables.  You can make this fun by doing it with things you are already doing.  Have them add fractions as you are using a recipe to put dinner together.  Have them count the number of steps it takes to make one lap around the playground and figure out how many steps they ran in 8 laps. For the older students, ask them to differentiate the coefficient of the tangent as x approaches 0.  Well, ok, that may be a bit much, but you get the idea.

Structure, move, eat right, and stimulate their brains.  Little things that you can do in the next couple of weeks to get your child’s school year off to the best start ever!  Even I am getting a little excited about the beginning of school just thinking about it!

It's Time to Slow Down

by Jennie Smith
Secondary Principal

What's your dream vacation?  Mine involves a beach house, six to seven good books, a daily nap, and spending quality time with my boys.  I got pretty close to that this year...it was a cabin in the forest, two and a half good books, an occasional nap, and great quality time with my boys.  It was relaxing and as close to beautiful as I could get.  But before the beauty came the battle.

We arrived Friday evening and had a great day Saturday - exploring a variety of activities at the resort.  And then came Sunday...The sleeping accommodations were not satisfactory.  The playground was too small.  The pool has too many rules.  Do we have to have sandwiches again?! My personal favorite was:  The pool fogs up my goggles!   And, of course, when you are out of other things to complain about....I'm bored!

I wanted to slow our lives down for seven days.  For seven days I wanted to take a break from the hustle and bustle, from the vegetating in front of video games that occurs too often, and look each other in the face and talk.  Doesn't that sound nice?  For this up and coming generation, this is difficult.  Their lives are full of activity and slowing down feels like pure torture and no where near what some of us would define as a "vacation."

But I've decided that it is absolutely necessary - and very much worth the battle - to teach my children to be still.  If they are too busy to have a face to face conversation with their parents, how will they ever make the time to have a conversation with the Lord?  So while it may be a battle to teach them to slow down for a time, it is a skill they need to learn.  Much like we teach them to clean up after themselves and be polite to others, we need to teach them to quiet down their lives, even if it is for a short time.

If you decide to embark on this type of journey with your kids, here are some suggestions that come as a result of what I now call..."The Sunday of Complaints:"

Prepare them
While I thought I had given them the basic overview of what our week would be like, I think I made it sound too exciting.  In attempting to make them look forward to going on this trip, I painted a picture of all kinds of activities we could do.  I should have also said, "I'm really looking forward to some quiet time too.  I can't wait to play Uno as a family and challenge you to a game of chess.  But I also plan to read a book and spend some time being quiet with Jesus."  I think we could have avoided a little of the drama by talking about the quiet times as well as the fun times.

Be honest
As I was talking with the boys that Sunday afternoon, I got really honest with them.  I told them that I had planned this vacation for us, picked the resort, planned the meals, packed us all, and dreamed about the kind of time this would be for us as a family.  And I said, "With every complaint you make, it hurts my feelings."  I wasn't doing this to manipulate, but I felt they needed to know what their words were doing.  Don't be afraid to bare your heart to your kids.  I think this is one of the main reasons they worked hard to appreciate what the vacation had to offer - they desired to please their mom and not hurt her feelings.

Provide a Complaint Notebook (kudos to my mom for this idea!)
That Sunday I put out a notebook and pen and said that any further complaints could be written down, but not verbalized.  I figured this would be a good outlet for them to register their disappointments and for me to have some peace.  Surprisingly, I heard no more complaints, but the notebook was empty too. 

The vacation ended up a complete success.  We had an incredible time as family.  We talked a lot, laughed a lot, played a lot, and were completely blessed as a result.  Hear the thoughts from the guys themselves:

Levi (12 years old):  "It was fun.  We spent a lot of time with Dad" (who works second shift)  "There were some times where there wasn't really anything to do, but it was fun.  The go-karts were fun and fast.  It was worthwhile to slow down."

Caleb (9 years old) "It was fun and really good.  It felt good to get out of the house and heat.  Our family time was really good and we slowed it down a lot.  It went really, really slow, but at the end of the week it felt like it went fast.  I would do a slow down vacation sometime."

Drew (4 years old):  "It was cool and I wuv it.  I like playing Uno...and Chess...and Skipbo...and the park...and go around the bridge...."




 

Summer Movie Fun

by Jennie Smith, Secondary Principal

We've hit the middle of summer vacation here in Arizona and the kids are getting a little antsy.  As we look for things to keep our kids occupied, we often defer to the movie theater or the DVD rental box to kill a few hours of the day in a cool environment.  The kids are quiet and we as parents can just relax for a few moments.

Sometimes, as we crave the quiet 90 minutes a movie provides, we overlook the danger that movies can be to our children's spiritual walk.  Movies, as well as other entertainment genres, subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) teach our children.  When those messages are created by writers who don't come from an expressly Christian worldview,  we run the risk of allowing our children to struggle with contradictions.  And, if we are honest, we would have to admit if the message comes in an entertaining, colorful movie and it contradicts the message the black and white pages of Scripture express, our kids may in fact deviate from the teachings we work so diligently to give them.

So, what do we do?  If we are to raise our children "in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4, ESV), how do we handle this issue?  One option is to cut off movies completely (and sometimes I'm tempted).  I've seen parents do this, and I'm usually impressed at the temperament of their children.  However, for most parents, this would come with great difficulty.

Research
Before taking your children to any movie, it's wise to research the movie first.  There are many websites that are helpful in this area, but my favorite is www.kidsinmind.com.   The reviewer details the movie in several areas:  sex/nudity, violence/gore, profanity, and substance abuse.  The writer never says "There's no profanity."  He is very detailed and will include any name calling, anatomical terms, or other verbiage that might be offensive to somebody.  They give the movie a rating from 1-10 (10 being very bad) in the first three areas and also detail out the events that occur in the movie that cause them to give that rating.

They also sum up the message of the movie and give some discussion topics that the movie could generate.  I always defer to this website when deciding if a movie is appropriate for my children.  I can usually walk away with a great understanding of the worldly concepts my children will encounter when viewing a particular movie.

Stand Strong
How many times have you heard "Well...Johnny's parents let him watch it!"  This is usually followed by  

accusations of being strict or mean.  While our kids never see it, we may struggle inside.  Am I too strict?  Do I limit my children too much?  Am I robbing them of harmless joy?  It is always better to err on the side of caution.  Our prayer for our children should be the same of that of Paul in Philippians 1:9-10:  " And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ" (ESV).  The only way to assist our children in this task is to learn to say "no" to things the world has to offer us.

Don't Let It Pass
If there is something that comes up in a movie that is in contradiction to the values of Scripture, don't turn a blind eye and hope that your children didn't catch on.  Make it a topic of conversation.  Show them the truth from Scripture.  This is an opportunity to teach discernment.  There will come a day, too quickly I am learning, that you no longer have the option to teach and guide.  Use the opportunity while it is still here - seize the day to turn your children to the truth once again!

What are some of the ways you encourage discernment in your family?  I would love to learn from you.  Please feel free to leave suggestions in the comments below!

Happy Birthday America!

by Dick Buckingham, Administrator

With July 4^th upon us, many of us are preparing to celebrate the 237^th birthday of arguably the greatest nation that has ever existed.  This nation has accomplished so much in its relatively short history and had such a positive impact upon its citizens and the world.  The birthday of America is not just another opportunity for Americans to hold barbecues and party.  It is truly with a measure of pride that we celebrate a great nation.

Yet can you imagine a time when there will not be a celebration on July 4^th?  Do you think it at all possible that there may come a day when this date will pass by without even a thought of a parade or feasting or fireworks?  No one likes to even think there may come a time when the great nation of America would no longer exist or be reduced to such as state that no one would take notice or celebrate.  To even talk in such terms is highly criticized and almost treasonous.

Yet a quick scan down the annals of history finds empire after empire, nation after nation, though once strong and mighty, now reduced to rubble and ashes, only the subject of history books and archaeologists.  History recounts for us many of their highlights and their low-lights, but one thing is consistent about all of them.  What they once were, they no longer are.  Could that be a fate in store for the greatest nation that ever existed?  Will the fact that it is America spare it from the destruction that has been visited upon nation after nation?

Though no one, including me, wants to say it, not only can it happen to America, but it will.

How can I say such a thing?  Because we can examine how this has taken place in other nations over and over in history and we can see that America is following the same fatal pattern.  Let me put it simply.  Historically, when a nation or empire turns away from the truth of God, when they no longer seek to embrace righteousness, when sinful behavior is not only allowed but celebrated, God rightly judges them and brings His righteous wrath upon them.  Consider the Babylonian, Greek and Roman empires.  Think about what happened even to the chosen people of God, Israel.   America will not receive some special pass from this consequence because it is America.

Though this nation had a solid beginning that included Biblical ideas, principles and philosophies woven through its fabric by the founders, it has year by year, decade by decade been unraveled so much that the tapestry may well be forever ruined.  One need only consider the direction our society has taken on issues of life in abortion, faithfulness in marriage, morals in homosexuality and truth in understanding of origins to see that we are committing some of the same sins that were the death-knell of communities such as Sodom.  It was pride and arrogance that brought down Nebuchadnezzar and the Babylonians.  It was moral failure that doomed the Romans.  It was the unfaithfulness of Israel and Judah that changed their course forever.

What can we do?

Pray.  It is never too late to implore God on behalf of our nation.  Abraham pleaded with God on behalf of

Sodom and Gomorrah and God heard his prayer that if He found even 10 righteous in the cities, He would spare them.  Daniel prayed for the people of Israel during the time of the Babylonian captivity.  Please see below the text of Daniel 9.  I encourage you to take a moment and read the prayer that he prayed.  This is the prayer we need for America.

Remember.  We are taught in scripture that God is sovereign over all the affairs of men, including nations.  There is not a maverick molecule that acts contrary to His will and purpose.  Though we may not like or understand the course of things as God carries them out, we can be assured that  He is working all things out according to a plan that ultimately brings Him glory.

Take comfort.  Throughout all of history, whenever there was a nation that was destroyed, God has always preserved a remnant faithful to Himself.  Elijah was certain that he was the only one left who desired to serve and follow after God.  Yet God had preserved 7000 who had not bowed the knee to Baal (I Kings 19:14-18). There is already a faithful remnant in America that God has preserved.  May you and I be counted among them.

God bless America?  Yes, and may He have mercy upon us as well.

Daniel 9 - NIV

9 In the first year of Darius son of Xerxes^[a] (a Mede by descent), who was made ruler over the Babylonian^[b] kingdom— ² in the first year of his reign, I, Daniel, understood from the Scriptures, according to the word of the Lord given to Jeremiah the prophet, that the desolation of Jerusalem would last seventy years. ³ So I turned to the Lord God and pleaded with him in prayer and petition, in fasting, and in sackcloth and ashes.

⁴ I prayed to the Lord my God and confessed:

“Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments, ⁵ we have sinned and done wrong. We have been wicked and have rebelled; we have turned away from your commands and laws. ⁶ We have not listened to your servants the prophets, who spoke in your name to our kings, our princes and our ancestors, and to all the people of the land.

⁷ “Lord, you are righteous, but this day we are covered with shame—the people of Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem and all Israel, both near and far, in all the countries where you have scattered us because of our unfaithfulness to you. ⁸ We and our kings, our princes and our ancestors are covered with shame, Lord, because we have sinned against you. ⁹ The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him; ¹⁰ we have not obeyed the Lord our God or kept the laws he gave us through his servants the prophets. ¹¹ All Israel has transgressed your law and turned away, refusing to obey you.

“Therefore the curses and sworn judgments written in the Law of Moses, the servant of God, have been poured out on us, because we have sinned against you. ¹² You have fulfilled the words spoken against us and against our rulers by bringing on us great disaster. Under the whole heaven nothing has ever been done like what has been done to Jerusalem. ¹³ Just as it is written in the Law of Moses, all this disaster has come on us, yet we have not sought the favor of the Lord our God by turning from our sins and giving attention to your truth. ¹⁴ The Lord did not hesitate to bring the disaster on us, for the Lord our God is righteous in everything he does; yet we have not obeyed him.

¹⁵ “Now, Lord our God, who brought your people out of Egypt with a mighty hand and who made for yourself a name that endures to this day, we have sinned, we have done wrong. ¹⁶ Lord, in keeping with all your righteous acts, turn away your anger and your wrath from Jerusalem, your city, your holy hill. Our sins and the iniquities of our ancestors have made Jerusalem and your people an object of scorn to all those around us.


¹⁷ “Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of your servant. For your sake, Lord, look with favor on your desolate sanctuary. ¹⁸ Give ear, our God, and hear; open your eyes and see the desolation of the city that bears your Name. We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy. ¹⁹ Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear and act! For your sake, my God, do not delay, because your city and your people bear your Name.”