Reflections on Being a Father

by Dick Buckingham
Administrator

This past weekend we celebrated Father’s day, and since I am the only one of our blog contributors who is a father, it seems like I should be uniquely qualified to post something about fathers.  Almost every post on Facebook on Sunday had something to do with fathers, those who had great ones, those who had lost fathers and were missing them, those who were fatherless and left with a void they really didn’t understand.  It seems in God’s providence, He has made fathers pretty important to our lives.  Please allow me some latitude to make one more reflection on fathers.

At the end of May, I traveled with my dad back to the place where he and I were born, Willard, a rather small town in north-central Ohio.  The purpose of our going was to attend the funeral of a dear aunt who had passed on to glory.  But we both went with a desire that we do a little family research while there.   One of the places we visited was the cemetery in the nearby town of New Haven where many of our relatives were buried.  We walked through the whole cemetery visiting or discovering my grandfather’s, great grandfather’s, and great-great grandfather’s grave markers.

This is my dad at the gravestones of our grandfathers.

But the greatest thrill for both my dad and me was to discover for the first time the grave marker of my great-great-great grandfather in the old cemetery across the street that was one of the earliest in the area.  This gentleman, Ezekiel, was the first of my clan to settle in this area of Ohio in 1842.  This was during the days of the pioneers in our country, about 20 years before the Civil War and before the town of Willard even existed.  Further research at the library netted us the exact location of the original Buckingham farm that Ezekiel cleared of trees in order to grow crops for his family.  Needless to say, we were both elated at what we found out about our family roots and history.  In some small way, we felt part of a family that at some point played a significant role in the area.  Though most of these men we never knew, we envisioned them to be hard working, successful farmers, living at a time when things were much harder, yet simpler.   These fathers were important to us.

It wasn’t too long before I began to think about these men.  What kind of lives did they lead, were they men of faith, what kind of problems did they face, what kind of fathers were they to their children?  Not much of this could be gleaned from the headstones or the plot records of who owned what farm.

Some things I can assume about them:

1.      They were family men.  Each of them fathered a lot of children.  In fact, I have come to realize that my family of three sons is the smallest in the line of Buckinghams that stretches back several centuries.  Clearly, a high value was placed on family and lots of kids.  I know what you are thinking.  I get it.  I know the justifications for why a great premium was put on large families in days past, that they needed more hands to help on the farm to survive and thrive.  But is that the whole story?  I wonder if we have lost something really important and special in our culture where one and one half kids seem just about right.   The Scriptures say, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him.  Like arrows in the hand of the warrior are sons born in ones youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”  Psalm 127:3-5a

2.      They experienced hardships.  There is not a lot about my forefathers’ lives that can be gathered from a headstone.  However, several of them lost children at a very early age due to the harshness of pioneer life, I am sure.  I have not lost a child, but I have experienced the loss of my brother almost one year ago and my mom just a few months ago.  I know the pain I experience with these and cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a child.  It was no easier for them.  We all experience the hardships and difficulties that life gives us, and yet we carry on by God’s grace.  The grace of God is still something we must depend upon to be the kind of fathers and men we are called to be.  I don’t know how anyone can deal with the ills of this life without God in their corner.  I know I would not be able to.

3.      They were not perfect.  None of us are.  I am more aware of this today than when I was parenting three boys to manhood not so long ago.  While I still am a parent today, it was much more intensive then.  Today it is more the “as needed” type of parenting.  But when I think back at some of the highlights and lowlights of my fathering, I am humbled by how often I just plain screwed up.  Yet, in spite of me, God has graciously raised up three very fine godly men that I am pleased to call my sons.  I know that I can take only a little credit.  There were some things I did right.  If there would be one thing I would like to have a do-over on, it is being more aware of my personal failures so that I could acknowledge them before my sons.  Young fathers, hear what I am saying.

4.      They were forgiven.  I am making a broad stroke here, but I am assuming that since they had

Ezekial Buckingham's grave marker

Biblical names like Ezekiel and gave their children Biblical names that they were steeped in the Faith tradition.  Regardless of their imperfections as fathers or men, if they believed and trusted Christ, they were forgiven for their sins.  It is a faith that I have today and have passed on to my children.  It is a forgiveness that is available for you and your children.  To be certain I am clear, it is not family heritage that forgives, but the blood of Christ shed for you or me embraced by faith that saves.  Remember what is says in Exodus 20:6, “..but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.”  Is this the heritage of your family?
Going back to family roots is fun, but is better when we can learn either from their experiences or from the contemplation of their lives.  I have benefited from my looking back.  What have you learned from yours?